I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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