I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
