Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
