I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
