his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
