I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
