Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
