He kissed a someone with a penis
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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