This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
