I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
