Well douche your snatch and let's go!
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
