They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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