where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
