shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
