I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
