Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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