When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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