My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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