i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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