What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
handjob tips. give me some.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
