I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
