it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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