She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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