so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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