I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i think im in europe. pls send help
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
