is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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