A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
