EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
