Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
