He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
