why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
