just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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