She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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