I will die if light touches me.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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