dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
