i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
