I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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