Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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