Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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