I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
