in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
