I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Oh god it's open bar.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
