I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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