sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
