You can't special order awesome
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
