You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
