His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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