There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
