Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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