Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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