If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
