I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
