marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
