i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
