i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
