96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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