I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
