Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
