I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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