We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
