Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
