My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
