So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
