He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
