Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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