I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
