I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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