3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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