Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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