Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
