can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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