when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
