I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
