He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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