So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
