Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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