i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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