Yo dont text me then not text me
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
