Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
