Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
