me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
