she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
