my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
