White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
