Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We just shotgunned beers for America
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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