I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
